A card appeared last week in my inbox. I read the subject line: “Affectionate Mother’s Day Wishes from Kornelia.” Now, it may be that my brain has turned to goo in the last month from too much work, but my first thought was: Why in the world is my sister sending me a Mother’s Day card??!? Followed by a very close second: Oh, right. I’m a MOTHER!
It’s not that I forgot about Caleb’s existence. Exactly the opposite: I think that I’ve been concentrating on HIS life from the moment of conception. That a new heart is beating. A new soul has entered the world. A new life has begun – with my assistance. Not that it didn’t occur to me that I’m a mother, but it DIDN’T OCCUR TO ME THAT I’M A MOTHER!!! I mean, the kind who receives Mother’s Day cards and well wishes on Mother’s Day!
(I was already fully aware that I was the kind who gave life, and who cleans up poopy diapers, and who breastfeeds her child to sleep...)
Looking back, all my life I have wanted to be a mother. I had “planned out” my imaginary children when I was a little girl. As I began praying for a child, I received the heart of a mother. One that wants to sacrifice, give of herself, and serve. I truly did become a mother from the moment of conception, being very aware of the great responsibility I had to eat the right foods, think the right thoughts, and keep my emotional life positive, as they would all affect the child inside of me on some level. During my pregnancy, I read piles of books and conducted extensive research on every related subject imaginable, in my quest to ensure the best care for my child. When he was born, I instantly bonded with him. As we began our lives together, I found that no amount of research can equal my God-given maternal instincts. Everyday mothering came naturally. A long-awaited, welcome progression of my life. In the early weeks, it also became clear to me that as the mother, I am everything to my baby. I took that role seriously. His physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being became my number one priority. And the responsibilities continued. I knew full well that every word he hears and every action he witnesses will imprint on his life and on who he becomes. And I recognized that every prayer uttered on his behalf would make the path before him smoother in this life.
So, I’ve been practicing motherhood now for over a year, in one way or another. But I never really stopped to think that I’ve joined a new category of women, the category of my own mother, and that Mother’s Day is now a celebration of me, too. The word MOTHER still represents to me my own mother, not me (this may change once my child actually calls me by that name!).
There are yet many more rivers to cross in this journey of motherhood. I’ve got a wonderful example set before me in my own mother. But I think there is still a transition to come, when I begin to think of myself more as a mother, rather than as a young girl. And hopefully, the time will come when I won’t be doing a double take when I receive a Mother’s Day card.
It’s not that I forgot about Caleb’s existence. Exactly the opposite: I think that I’ve been concentrating on HIS life from the moment of conception. That a new heart is beating. A new soul has entered the world. A new life has begun – with my assistance. Not that it didn’t occur to me that I’m a mother, but it DIDN’T OCCUR TO ME THAT I’M A MOTHER!!! I mean, the kind who receives Mother’s Day cards and well wishes on Mother’s Day!
(I was already fully aware that I was the kind who gave life, and who cleans up poopy diapers, and who breastfeeds her child to sleep...)
Looking back, all my life I have wanted to be a mother. I had “planned out” my imaginary children when I was a little girl. As I began praying for a child, I received the heart of a mother. One that wants to sacrifice, give of herself, and serve. I truly did become a mother from the moment of conception, being very aware of the great responsibility I had to eat the right foods, think the right thoughts, and keep my emotional life positive, as they would all affect the child inside of me on some level. During my pregnancy, I read piles of books and conducted extensive research on every related subject imaginable, in my quest to ensure the best care for my child. When he was born, I instantly bonded with him. As we began our lives together, I found that no amount of research can equal my God-given maternal instincts. Everyday mothering came naturally. A long-awaited, welcome progression of my life. In the early weeks, it also became clear to me that as the mother, I am everything to my baby. I took that role seriously. His physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being became my number one priority. And the responsibilities continued. I knew full well that every word he hears and every action he witnesses will imprint on his life and on who he becomes. And I recognized that every prayer uttered on his behalf would make the path before him smoother in this life.
So, I’ve been practicing motherhood now for over a year, in one way or another. But I never really stopped to think that I’ve joined a new category of women, the category of my own mother, and that Mother’s Day is now a celebration of me, too. The word MOTHER still represents to me my own mother, not me (this may change once my child actually calls me by that name!).
There are yet many more rivers to cross in this journey of motherhood. I’ve got a wonderful example set before me in my own mother. But I think there is still a transition to come, when I begin to think of myself more as a mother, rather than as a young girl. And hopefully, the time will come when I won’t be doing a double take when I receive a Mother’s Day card.
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